Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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