You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Swine flu. Run for my life!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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