Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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