he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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