I got chris browned last night
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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