You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
