I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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