one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
