i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
