You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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