just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
