Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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