y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
