You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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