i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
