I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
