I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
