I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
