so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
