don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
