I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
