I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize