That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
a search helicopter?!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize