the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
