You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
