He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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