make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
