she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
