I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
