: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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