if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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