He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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