it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
