I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
