I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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