mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
