don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
