just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
