what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize