We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
