I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
