she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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