i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
