i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
