Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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