I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize