so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize