you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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