I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
