I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
