wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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