i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
