White coat. Heels.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize