So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
