I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
