apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize