How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
