Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
