hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
