I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize