my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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