i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
