Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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