What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
