I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
