Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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