so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
