Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
