It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
