Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
