Nicole vs. Life
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
