I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
