fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
