It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
