We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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