from now on my penis is your penis
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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