I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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