Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
