he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
