when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
