Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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