something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
