I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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