Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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