It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize