I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
