i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
