ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
