I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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