I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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