Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
