Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
