do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
