he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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