Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
