I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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