Please, let me fuck your mom
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
