Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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