I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
