yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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