Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize