Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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