What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
