Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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